I first came across Michael Singer after watching him on an Oprah's super soul Sunday episode. I could not grasp his concept of letting go but I did understand (I think) about his concept of the thorn. When you are walking around with a thorn in your arm, wherever you go, whenever it touches a surface, or a person, you will get hurt.This is why you need to pay attention to your thoughts and feelings and observe them without reacting. When you do, you can identify the root cause(thorn) of your reactions and remove them. - this is how I understood the concept.
It's been over a decade since I read his book, I think I had a breakthrough. I started paying more attention to my inner child, and I noticed that with each interaction, I want to be seen and understood. It makes sense, the maternal parent never saw or understood me (she had her own struggles) this led to my adult self to look for people who saw me and understood me. The only problem is, this expectation only leads to disappointments. You see, no one in this world can ever know the path you have traveled, the silent battles you fought on your own and the trauma that you went through. Besides, everyone else have their own trauma and their own problems and they will treat you accordingly and some will make an effort to understand your journey, some will never do - simply because they do not have the capacity.
This understanding helped me keep my peace of mind just last night. Mothers play a crucial part in a child's life, this is why a mother in a family should be supported and loved by the partner (Dr.Gabor Maté provides evidence on how a mother's emotions follows a child's life into adulthood). What happened last night - my mother who tried calling my phone (which was switched off), got my dad to call, my sibling and family. Without stopping there, she showed up at my door and started banging at my door, shouting and screaming.
Why did she react like that? I don't know, she has her own issues. I have zero control over her behavior, yes, she did wake up the neighbors, but only thing I was responsible for was my peace of mind. My mind would normally go into a major analysis mode in times like these and think of how to respond to her in a way that she would understand her own behavior and how it affects me. Since I let go of wanting to be understood, a word that was introduced to me by a dear friend came into my mind - තුෂ්නිම්භූත නිශ්ශබ්දතාවය. Hearing the word the first time lightened up my mood, and had the same effect yesterday. I had zero thoughts about my mom and zero reactions towards her. My experience - total peace of mind.
As for the situation in the country, no sign of anything getting sorted. The posts I see on FB with so much hatred is not going to solve anything, it only affects my own emotions. Decided to take a time out from the social media hatred as well. If I am to take care of anyone else, I have to remain calm and take care of my internal environment first. It's like the classic example of the oxygen mask - when you are traveling on a plane with a child, put on your oxygen mask first, and proceed to put the oxygen mask to your child. Why? because if you pass out, you can't help your child.
If you are not familiar with Michael Singer, do check out this latest talk.
Disclaimer - I have not affiliated in any way with these external links, these are just things I find during my self-exploration. Please don't sue me :)
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