Impulse Control

 I recently read the book, Thinking Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahneman, it has interesting theories about the workings of the human mind. For example, What You See Is All There Is (WYSIATI) was probably the concept that really caught my eye. How our minds are made up about a person, situation or event only based on what we see. Intellectually we understand that there is more to any person or situation than we can see, yet, we make quick judgements on WYSIATI. Made me wonder whether any of us are in any control of our minds or bodies. If these are automatic mechanisms, what hope do we have to actually see things realistically?

Which brings me to impulse control. We tell kids to control themselves, get angry at them for not being able to do so. As adults, we struggle so much with so many impulses. Once you hit a certain age you are already wired to react to things based on your childhood and other traumatic experiences that you go through. How many of us can actually look within and understand why we behave the way we do? I for once have been struggling for some time with impulse control and quite frustrated that I haven't gotten better at controlling it. Maybe that's how I'm wired? Who decides human wiring mechanism anyway?

Which brings me to a statement made by the husband of social researcher Brené Brown. He pointed out to her that "people are doing the very best they can at any given moment".I remember reading that Brené Brown got angry hearing this, actually I got angry too. But several years later, I'm beginning to see the wisdom of that statement. Think about it. 

At any given moment, a person interacts with you based on his or her -

• childhood upbringing
• beliefs
• trauma
• fears
• internal relationship with self
• mood
• stress
• how he/she see the world
  
• religious beliefs
• (this list can go on)

 

 The point is, at any given moment, a person behaves based on all of these and more. When they know how to do things better, they will do things better. That's part of growth.

"people are doing the very best they can at any given moment"

I'm starting to warm up to this statement.....