I make decisions based on observations. From childhood, I observed that all women who were married were deeply unhappy (the ones I have met). They always talked about marriage with resentment. My childhood mind noticed this and wondered whether it was for me. Maybe this was what shaped my decisions. I wanted the two kids in the picture married life, but told everyone I never want to get married because - well the stats speak for itself! How did I get married then? - it's not a story to be told here, but it did involve my mom reserving the hall first. Still, I naively thought that I can do it differently, I can have a better married life, because I knew how to communicate and do things differently. Little did I know that I was merely in a state of limerence and with a narcissist.
Now that I am divorced, I'm always asked that question, when will you settle down again?
Now let's look at the facts - again
- No woman I have met (except one) have told me that they are happily married, in fact they get annoyed talking about their husbands.
- I have noticed that eventually in most marriages, the couple starts spending time apart - due to work, or taking care of kids, or live in different countries - but they remain married.
- A few celebrities who came on to the Drew Barrymore show (Sharon Stone, Drew Barrymore herself) said that, once the need to have a kid is gone, you really don't need a man.
why should I consider marriage again?
I don't mind having a partner to share my life actually, but at what cost. I was married to someone extremely moody and high tempered and exhibited road rage. It's difficult living with someone with that kind of a temper. Only thing I learned is, the person you choose as your partner should have your back, when life throws you curve balls and remain as a kind and compassionate human being. Another friend of mine who got married got to see her partner's temper only after she got married and was terrified - they remain married with two kids - and yes, live in different countries.
Which brings me to the two other successful celebrity marriages I have observed. Take George Clooney for example, his wife states that he is the kindest human being she had ever met, and Shania Twain's husband - also the most kind and loving human being according to her. See a common theme there? Needless to say, a kind loving human being would communicate with you during arguments without stonewalling or turning it into a yelling match.
It's not the outside appearance or anything that finally maintains the bond - its kindness. Especially during times like these, with enough stressors all around you, you need a kind loving soul to share your day.
If property and other things are what you look for, then you can make your own choices accordingly.
Kindness first, always look for kindness first if peace of mind is a priority in your life.
P.S. The one friend who is the only woman that I know who is happily married, is married to someone who initially went to a seminary. Makes sense why she is happy, doesn't it.
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